I've been avoiding blogging because I've been feeling so low and don't like doing negative posts. Then I thought, hmmm, better say SOMETHING or people might worry I'd fallen off the side of the earth of something. No, still here. Hanging on. Just. But mostly because of a sense that I have to.

After rallying for a while, my mum seems to be slipping a wee bit.

Today we were having cups of tea in a cafe. She saw a man using his mobile phone and she started acting very strangely. When I asked what was wrong, she became very secretive, looking all around, then whispering to me that this man was using his phone. Then she tutted loudly and shook her head. She told me she hoped the police weren't around- that's who she had been looking for- because it isn't allowed. "WHAT isn't allowed? Using his phone?"- I couldn't believe it.
"Well, they say it isn't allowed."
"Who says?"
"They say."
"Um, no, it's OK. It's only not allowed if you're driving."
"Hmm." she wasn't convinced and kept looking at him.
I repeated myself, "It's only illegal if you're driving, mum."
There was no smile, or "Oh! Of Course!", no realisation came, which it usually does, when she gets something wrong. I don't think she was at all convinced. Yet I have a mobile phone, which she rings, and she has one too, although she can't use it any more, she still gets it out sometimes and looks at it, and tells us we'll have to teach her how to use it (which we do, countless times). So why this sudden suspicion of mobile phones?

We dropped her off this evening and she keeps ringing about strange worries. I don't want to tempt fate, but I have a feeling that there might be something big and nasty up ahead.

Still no word on those medications that could help slow things down, and no appointment in sight. I have written to the neurologist myself today, to try to speed things up.

***

Things are slowly moving towards autumn all around us. The nights are drawing in. My personal worry is simply this; that if I am feeling low and tearful already, how will it be when the days are all dark and cold?

Trying to do things one day at a time here. One day at a time. Not much gets done, though, not when you have to be with someone else most of the day. The house is a wreck, which really doesn't help my head at all, but I just don't have the time and energy to keep on top of it all. I need a helper and despite all the feelers I put out months ago, there just aren't any.